What not to say to a parent/partner/friend/other ally

I have to admit that some of the trans terminology can be a bit of a mine-field and I probably get it horribly wrong at times but at least I try.  Here are some things which people have said to me which have left me lost for words:

“So you are going to lose your son” and even “But your son will be dead” – NO, NO, NO – I will still have the same child, only their outward appearance will be different – in particular, they will happier.

“So… you only had one child… what is the reason for that?” (asked by a psychiatrist) – I’m sure they wanted to ask “did you really want a girl all along?”.  There are many reasons why I only had one child – difficult birth, two bedroomed house, relatively low income, age, there are already enough children to go around, etc, etc, etc.  To be honest, one of the first things I said to the midwife was “oo, good, no tights” – how wrong could I have been!

“You’re obviously a bit of a rebel with your tattoos” (again, the psychiatrist) – erm, what? – I had my first tattoo in my mid-40s to commemorate my mother – what on earth has that to do with my child’s gender?

 

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